“Good morning, losers. I’m Madelyn Webster, and I’m pleased to be the chairperson of the welcoming committee greeting freshman here to Sigil Prep. I can see a confused look on a few of your faces, and I can’t say I’m surprised. I mean, you are Freshmen, after all.
“So what can you expect at Sigil Prep? I wouldn’t put much stock in expecting things. I mean, you’ll have classes, for sure. But will they be interrupted by raiding invaders from the Depths of Despair? Possibly. Will you go on a field trip to strange dungeons on barren landscapes? I wouldn’t count it out. Will you be forced to go down into Randall’s basement to retrieve a keg for the ‘First Day of the Year’ party? I would say that’s pretty much a given. Bring your weapons; Randall hasn’t cleaned out his basement in years. So whatever you’re expecting, expect something else.” … “Okay, who just said ‘expect the unexpected’? You? Was it you, you mouth-breathing cliché monger? Yeah, you’re on my list. Watch yourself.
“Sigil Prep is the largest adventuring University in the Material World and has a diverse student body. If you’re from a small human village that’s barely seen an elf, you might be a bit overwhelmed by the abundance of robitts, gnolls, undines, and half-ogres wandering around the place. Students come from every manner of place, from the idyllic plains of Lapland to the floating landmasses of the Skyland Archipelago, and a few places that aren’t even as inviting as the corporate misery of Hell, LLC. But don’t worry, we’re all students here. There’s no reason we can’t all get along. Unless I don’t like the way you’re looking at me. I have assassins in my family’s employ. Don’t tempt me, jerk.
“I’d tell you more, but I really don’t like any of you. But here’s a copy of the student handbook. You’ll find it all in here. Enjoy your stay.”
–Madelyn Webster, student body president
AN INTRODUCTION TO SIGIL PREP
“Why do I love Sigil Prep? It’s the sense of camaraderie, isn’t it? The people, the spirit, the pride in making our school great. Why? Is there somebody who doesn’t love Sigil Prep? Point ‘em out, I’ll pound some school spirit into them.”
–Madelyn Webster, head cheerleader
A SIGIL PREP DEMOGRAPHIC SURVEY
“A history of winning football teams dating back seven generations, and I’m proud to have contributed to that. Oh, and the 60/40 female-male ratio doesn’t hurt.”
–Randall Tufftackle, quarterback
“There ain’t a better school out there for wha’ya’call ‘quality of edjacation’. I mean, my roommate Ambra can tell ya how good I am at backstabbin’, an’ that’s all thanks to the great backstabbin’ teachers I’ve had the past three years!”
–Zelda Footpadder, rogue major
“I need a cleric…”
–Ambra Goldenrod, Zelda’s roommate
“Golly. That’s a toughie. How do you narrow it down to one? I guess all the swell friends I’ve made. If I wasn’t a horrible floating head monster, I’d give ‘em all a great big hug! Oh, heck, I’d do it anyway. Y’know, if I had arms.”
–Neil, horrible floating head monster